Positive Vibrations

I need to be channeling Bob Marley in a big way. And not just in the weed smoking department.

I've been so negative that it's really slowing me down. This summer it seems has been one of constant stress, disappointment, frustration and rampant negativity. It doesn't help that on top of my own b.s. it seems many of my friends and family are having a tough time of it lately too. The media certainly doesn't help either. I usually make a point not to read the news (not having T.V. keeps me away from seeing it) just to keep my head out of the 'fear fog' as I like to call it. Now and again though I'll get sucked in by some perfectly horrid tag line out of crazy curiosity and I'm always sad I did. Sensationalistic headlines are rarely highlighting some wonderful achievement or some beautiful miracle. They are usually showcasing the dredges of humanity, some horrific event that has happened. And what I don't need is any more proof that people are strange and horrible. I really need to start focusing heavily on positivity and drawing that energy to me. Dwelling on my families problems and trudging through my own then drowning in the sea of sorrow that is humanity is just messing with my head. I've been fighting this depression that I know so well, it knocks on the door every so often and if I'm not careful it sneaks in and takes up residence on my mental couch. It's a rude house guest and I swore I'd never let it in again after the last time it crept in and kept up residence for two years straight. Now, that was some tough times. Nothing like now. Thank the Goddess. I shall endeavor to fight the good fight.

Well, that's enough of that. Moving on and moving up.
I do have some good news to report. I finally couldn't keep my thoughts to myself and I talked with my man about my baby issues/questions. He said all the right things. For a change of pace. It was such a relief, especially due to the fact that I had wicked PMS and the hormonal surges held me captive in a dingy on high seas. One big wave could have capsized my raft and thankfully he didn't. Again, for a change of pace. I'm being hard on him but historically...well, let's just say it's not usually that smooth. He's as excited about this next venture in our lives as much as I am (he wanted to have a baby all along, it's me that took 11 years of our relationship to decide I did too) so he is willing to make the sacrifices that come along with a baby. We're thinking we'll look more closely at planning a time to start 'trying' which is a funny way to put it. I guess it's more like we'll not concentrate on not getting pregnant. Whichever you prefer I guess. Firstly I've got to get some health questions answered and get in better shape. I need to get my blood sugar problems figured out so I don't have the risk of getting gestational diabetes. More on the doctor dilemma another day, that's another source of negativity that I want to stay away from today.

I am making some progress on the magick front. I spent all day last sunday with Swan having a great session and hanging out. She is such a grounding force in my life, a wonderful teacher, an inspiring friend and an all around kick ass human being. Her and her man are just simply wonderful. They always feed me new & exciting food and wines every time I see them. I've renewed my commitment to the study of Witchcraft and am actively working towards creating a daily spiritual practice. This is something I've been yearning for my whole life and never really implemented. Next time I post will be to give a detailed account of the prayer beads she had me make and all that goes with that exercise.

Alas, I've got to get ready to head to the cubicle maze that is my job so I'll have to get into that later which will be a nice break from whining about my problems. I'm sure all four of you who read this will be glad to move on too! Thanks for sticking in there with me~

Brightest blessings to you all and may the Goddess hold you close and whisper in your ear~

All is Love
Love is all
Blessed be.

Mother Moon

Getting out of the movies this....morning? That doesn't sound right but we went to a midnight show of Batman and didn't get out till 2:30am, I was struck by the moon. All of my thoughts of the movie and some friend drama were pushed aside and I was awestruck.

Seriously in awe.

It was so full, so bright. I felt her presence, I knew that she saw me. I felt changed by her gaze.

Tonight I gather with my coven sisters (and uno brother) to celebrate the full moon. We ask that
"Goddess of opportunity
Bring good things in life to me
I'll be alert to all that you send
For myself and for my friend"

These days I am wearied in my heart, my body and my soul by the fear and greed in the world. I must strive to remember Mother Moon and the feeling of peace and awe that she inspires within me.

I know that the veil of mysteries is thick, it was thin once but humans clouded it, I'll make my way there.

I just have to remember and imagine all at once.

Still tender but on the mend

I am absolutely unequivocally in love with art.

Every day I see so many things that inspire me, stoke the fires within me that fuel me to create, to daydream, to believe.

Life has been tough these last few years.

Looking back the images that come to mind are dark and dusty, muted. I know there was happiness. I know there was laughter. I also know there was a murky depression that settled over my heart for years.

Nearly 3 years to be exact.

During that time I struggled to be creative, struggled to write. I was inspiration-less. I felt completely lost and afraid.

The light chases the shadows~ I feel inspired, in love with life. I still struggle not to be wary. I feel skittish about celebrating my happiness. And then I remind myself to center and ground. Right now is right now. Revel in this moment.

There is so much beauty in this life, and I mean beauty in the broad all encompassing sense~

The surreal.

The grotesque.

The animalistic.

The serene.

The tender.

The awe inspiring.

The bright white heat.

The magickal.

The mysterious.

The nostalgic.

The sharp that cuts.

The daydream.