Full Moon Fever

Tomorrow night I will be attending my second ritual ever and my first with the coven that has been hosting my seeker classes.

I am so excited, nervous, and....proud? I suppose I do feel a sense of pride in myself that I am taking these steps because I am so nervous and have been so secluded for these last few years. It takes a lot of courage for someone (certainly myself) to break out of their mold and venture forth into adventure and uncertainty and yeah, I am damn proud of myself.
Another layer of trepidation is the added paranoia that this is a door that I am opening to my spiritual self. I've not quite learned how to ground and shield myself though I do work on it. Having had a very surreal and unpleasant experience once before with dark energies I'm certainly wary.

We were given a hand out in one of our classes and it spoke volumes to me, I would like to share part of it:

"It is easier to be celibate than fully alive sexually. It is easier to withdraw from the world than to live in it; easier to be a hermit than to raise a child; easier to repress emotions than to feel them and express them; easier to meditate in solitude than to communicate in a group; easier to submit to another's authority than place trust in oneself." -Author Unknown

There is so much truth in this paragraph, it really strikes me on all levels. For so very long I had unconsciously adopted these attitudes. I thought that they kept me separate, safe and comfortable. Yet what they were ultimately doing was holding me back from the real human experience and dulling my soul.

No longer.

I am now actively crafting a life that will save me and will replenish my heart, my creativity, my sexuality, my spiritual self and destroy the evil EGO. I feel like every experience in my life has led me to this place. I can't help but wish I'd begun earlier though....but regret is a wasted emotion.

After the full moon esbat ritual there is a potluck dinner and that is what's really got me all a twitter. Frequently in social situations where I am not bringing a friend along I'm reduced to the emotional state of a kid on the first day of school. I'm sure it is the same or worse for most everyone but (luckily) all I have to deal with is myself.

Hopefully my cupcakes win the hearts and stomachs of my fellow witches. Pick me! Pick me! Let me join your club! Yikes. I've got to get a hold of myself.

I'm going to go swimming, clear my head and get on the road to my wedding body. (I say swimming but I suspect to others it looks more like drowning such are my aquatic skillz.)