Wading through it

Life is so confusing and difficult.

It's hard enough to be responsible for yourself, your happiness and your future but when it is all tied in with another person it is ten times as stressful.

These are obvious observations but it's so muddled and confusing in my mind right now I don't even know where to begin to put it all down. I want that release that comes from writing through an issue, the clarity that comes from sorting it all out but this is years and years of mess and emotions. They refuse to behave themselves and assemble into sentences.

I'm going to give it a shot though and just see what happens.

The big question remains as it always has, will I be able to be myself, live the life that I have been called to while we are still together? He's really not into the idea of Wicca & Witchcraft. He's coming around a bit since it appears that the alternative is that we part ways but I just don't know if we are both just too comfortable (after nearly 13 years it's a distinct possibility) or if we truly are meant to be together. I know that I love him. I can't imagine my life without him. What I don't know is if that is enough. For both of us. There is a lot of living, a lot of details and big decisions that just don't flow.

I feel like we are constantly butting our heads against the wall and wringing out our hearts. That's what the world should tell young people love is really like. None of this fairy tale Hollywood bullshit. I was so misled!

I want the booming voice from heaven/space/ethereal planes to speak to me and tell me- "marry this man!" -or- "don't marry this man!"