I see a red door and I want to paint it black.

Well, after a very long hiatus I have returned.  Better than ever.  Well, more surly for certain. 
I've thought long and hard about where I want to go/ what I want to do with this blog. 


I had decided at the onset that this blog would be a place where I could speak openly about my Dedication process & Witchcraft practice since exactly 3 people in my life know I practice (and only one of which knows about this blog.)  I felt I needed an outlet for my Witchy blisses & burgeoning experiences while simultaneously seeking some sense of community and comradeship.  I figured if fellow Witches were the only ones reading this I should make it about that and that only.  I can be so rigid sometimes, it's really annoying. 


Additionally, I've always been extremely secretive so that keeps a lot of topics pretty limited.  I've been afraid to be real on here, to -as they say- let it all hang out.  I'm always afraid of being discovered.  I'm anonymous here.  I have far too many secrets that will never see the light of day, few that have which I will always regret. 
"Why start now?" the invisible reader might ask themselves (if there were indeed anyone reading with an asking sort of nature or inclination.)


I've been inspired. 


This post is a love letter of sorts.


I stumbled upon a blog called BHJ.


This guy is one hell of a writer.  He's a salty sea dog and a poet all at once and above all what grabbed me is his blatant honesty.  I thought, "I must cease at once to be such an insufferable pussy and just fucking go for it."  Besides, I've got loads of time on my hands.  I'm chilling at home on disability without the use of my feet.  Both of them in case you were wondering. 


And so, in honor of Mr. BHJ I am outing myself. 


10 Fun & Freaky Facts about Esmeralda Bohemian


1. Esmeralda is not my real name. duh.


2. Love smoking pot.  Don't drink and have given up all other illicit substances.


3. I hate to disappoint people or otherwise hurt their feelings, I am a people pleaser of ridiculous degrees.  Even complete asshole dirtbag shitstains I have a hard time hurting.  I'm appalled at myself sometimes.  I'm working on this.

4. Lesbian porn is my favorite.  This is the best way to completely avoid the possibility of insufferably long, drawn out blow jobs which are, well, insufferable.  Plus women are beautiful.  Men are mainly utilitarian.  In straight male porn anyway :)


5. I cannot drive by a canyon or through a mountain pass without thinking about driving the car over the edge just to feel myself fall and know that I was going to die in an immediate and fiery manner.  I imagine the release from this life to be so very sweet in a achy fluttery stomach sort of way.  Alas, I love being alive just a bit more so the car stays on the road. Plus everyone would be so disappointed in me.


6.  I have been married to a man for a year though we have been together for 15 in total. Love is a battlefield my friends.  It aint' no lie. I've got the scars to prove it. 


7. In service of secrecy I am often an elaborate liar to all but a very very select few.  If you are reading this and you know me than you are one of the few.   Small crowd. 


8.  I knew this surgery would cripple me for months and be horrifically painful but elected to do it all in service of getting away from my job and getting to be at home doing dreamy creative non-at-my-job-things.  Pain isn't usually a deterrent for me when I really want something. 


9. No one person knows all the 'me's' that exist.  Not yet at least.


10.  Weed has done more for me than any therapist I've ever seen. Plus it's cheaper and I don't have to make appointments. 


I'm contemplating erasing the whole of this blog and starting fresh.  Hmmmmm.......


Thank you BHJ, you shook me up and chased me out of my cluttered head with a red hot poker and tremendous words.