stitched up and sprouting



source unknown

 Surgery number 2 is behind me and today, 10 days later I finally feel better.  The best part is that I got to have the catheter removed.  Yeah, I had a catheter in for the last 10 days.  Horrible.  Turns out the issues they were dealing with were more complicated than anticipated and I ended up having emergency surgery on my urethra.  Bleck.  The whole thing made me grouchy, now I'm much better!!

The good news:  all issues were addressed and there was no evidence of any other issues so my lady parts get the thumbs up!!  The remaining pain is nothing now that the damn catheter is gone, funny how at some point pain becomes relative. 

I've done my best to pay close attention and remain introspective during this journey, it's been an emotional roller coaster for a variety of reasons I was surprised to discover.  When we lost our baby a few years back I was far enough along that I had to be induced and my feeling at the time was that I wanted every drug possible to make me as numb as possible.  I wanted to be unconscious, I didn't want to participate in one second of that labor.  That feeling continued after I had the baby, I took quite a bit of Valium & painkillers in the following days.  I floated through it in a fog and told myself I was alright. 

I finally sobered up and got angry about the whole thing, I started asking the Goddess some intense questions, I got some real answers and it changed my life.  Ever since then I've been careful to be as present as I can, to listen to the lessons that are revealed.  I know now that many of my life lessons will come through my struggle for total health.  I've got a long list of things to work on though I've crossed off a fair amount of them in the last two years.

The pieces are sliding together, 
I'm becoming me.