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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

There is a season

Today a simple meditation on some song lyrics helps to remind me of the truth. Give it a read and think on it a sec. Maybe it will pack the punch you need as well to accept where you are today, who you are today.


Turn! Turn! Turn!
Words-adapted from The Bible, book of Ecclesiastes

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
A time to build up, a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late
                                                             Music-Pete Seeger

Slowly I’ve been arriving at a number of insights recently. Chiefly I am stunned to realize just how often I have to learn and relearn things over and over and over. At times I’ll think to myself, “I’ve got this. It’s understood, I know it.” In no time I’m back to crying, wondering what went wrong, what happened and the worst- why is this happening?

Let me illustrate; everything I know about witchcraft teaches me that the universe moves in cycles, hence the inclusion of the Byrds lyrics. And yet this last winter I found myself struggling immensely with some very dark thoughts, lingering depression, and seriously lacking motivation. I half-heartedly tried to fight it but mostly I was just feeling sorry for myself and waiting for it to lift. I suppose it's worth mentioning as well that I have been having a cold spell (ha ha Witchy double entendre) in regards to my spiritual practice these last handful of months.

I'd been so consumed with having family in town, recovering from my double foot surgery, the second surgery (of which I'm still having complications)  that I had put everything else aside. Looking to inspire myself to delve back in I uploaded some new podcasts to my iPod and I'm starting to get the feel of it again. Oddly enough as soon as I had the realization that Winter is the season for turning inward, for looking into the darkness within I felt the veil lifting. I sat with it, I no longer rebelled against it and so it goes that the claws & teeth have been retracted.  Spring is here and I'm ready for renewal.

I'm taking stock of what is going on internally (which of course always ends up being manifested externally) and making plans. Typical me, I've got a list a mile long of things I hope to learn, try out, change and accomplish for the next year- I'm nothing if not ambitious. Which brings me to my next bit of inspiration- a quote by Henri-Frederic Amiel

"Learn to limit yourself; to content yourself with some definite work; dare to be what you are and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not; and to believe in your individuality."

Finding this was a complete revelation. The light bulb went off and I think I heard an audible 'ding!' at the same time! I am always so hard on myself, internally berating myself for everything that I don't get to, all of the goals I don't meet. One of my resolutions is to strike a balance between nourishing & realistic goals and things that are more 'shoulds' will fall away. I need to put my limited amount of energy where it counts. Right now that seems to be on continuing to move my health in a healing direction.  
 
I've been getting good at allowing myself to heal.  I am allowed to sit and read for hours at a time.  I'm allowed to leave the dishes in the sink and take a nap.  I'm allowed to watch a movie in the middle of the afternoon.  I'm allowed to spend all day painting.  I am allowed to lay in bed daydreaming.  I am allowed to let others take care of themselves. 
 
What will you allow yourself to do now that you have my permission to heal?

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