First Ritual Jitters & Joys

Last night I attended my first Pagan ritual.

It was in honor of the Hunger Moon Esbat. Or the Lunar eclipse as some of you know it.

I have been reading about the Pagan/Wiccan/Witch philosophy for a number of years now and I do believe I've done enough reading to know. This is the closest I've ever come to feeling like I've found a form of spirituality that answers the questions I've been asking. Reinforces the beliefs I've known since the beginning. Speaks to dreams I had as a child. It feels like coming home. And I know that it's mine, this isn't something that someone else turned me onto and could therefor in some way be construed as mirroring. This is all me.

I've been timid about taking the steps to begin practicing and furthering my studies but I've recently decided that it's time to begin this journey. Time to take a new path. I've been looking for a deep personal relationship with the Goddess and a God who speaks to what I know to be true. Not the vengeful, misogynistic biblical God.

I was nervous about attending the ritual but it was in a safe place and it felt like the perfect night to begin my commitment to becoming a Witch. I was afraid it would be a large group of people and that I would be the only newcomer and they would want me to speak (I am going to have to do that for a different Pagan introductory meeting. Yikes.)

Turns out there were only 4 other people there, one of them had never been to ritual before either and the others were exceedingly welcoming and kind. It was a joyous experience and I found myself to be more relaxed than I had imagined. I felt happy and connected to the moment. I am optimistic about this year and it is the very best of signs that I am finally moving in this new direction. This direction has caused it's fair share of waves though, my man isn't thrilled with this step in the least but we're working through it.

Once I finally decided to get serious about researching my options for outside contact and education I find out there is a wealth of resources in this area for the study of Paganism, Wicca & Witchcraft! To anyone who is familiar with the craft this blog will reek with incredulous trumpeting of an ugly swan but please understand- we all begin somewhere and I just happen to be beginning a little late. As is my custom with most any engagement...I'm working on it OK?! :)

(As an aside: I've been stumbling across a bunch of shit on the internet about 'fluffy bunnies' in regards to newbies, I'm not exactly sure what's being hated on here but it's probably me...)

So, I think I'm going back to church. This time though, it's a Pagan church. I really can't actually believe such a thing exists, small town girl that I am, I mean, wow. Seriously. The town I grew up in never even had a sex shop or a place to rent dirty movies, paraphernalia shops were/are out of the question. Tiny and uptight, full of drug addicted alcoholic bible thumpers this town would burn down such an establishment if it were to be constructed anywhere in the state of _ _ _ _ _ _ .

It dawned on me as I was perusing a store that specializes in P, W & W (Pagan/Wiccan/Witchcraft) items that we truly live in a great country that we can enjoy these spiritual options without personal threat. Around Valentines Day I read an article on the BBC website http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7239005.stm
saying that red items were banned from sale to celebrate Valentine's Day. No shit. Because it promotes relations between men and women. Our government certainly is a far cry from perfect but I appreciate that there are far worse options. I'm grateful for what I have (though I'll never stop asking for more, like a new president!!!)

Church is Sunday. I'm excited. And nervous.

For anyone stumbling across this (or nudged this way by myself and are suddenly finding things out about me you never imagined- SURPRISE!) if my talk of P, W & W freaks you out I seriously urge you to do some reading about what these spiritual paths actually encompass and do not simply close your mind due to smear campaigns, rumor, popular media & ignorance.

There is no Satan in the craft. Satan is a Christian construct, not a Pagan or Wiccan figure. Witchcraft is not Satanism. Only Satanism is Satanism. I am in no way now or will ever be in any type of association or league with the Devil. Rest assured. It's a dirty rumour that the two are intertwined.

Knowledge is power people.

For real.