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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

who knew?

Is this baby pain ever going to relent?

Why is it that I'm constantly struck by this longing?

My whole life I never thought I wanted to be a mother then in my 30's I get pregnant, get used to the idea (and actually get very excited) and then lose the baby and now it's on my mind all the freakin' time (it's been a little over a year since we lost her.)

A co-worker just had a baby today and I had to go buy a card and will be picking out the company gift... it's like a hundred needles poking into my heart at the same time.

I have to keep telling myself that it's just not the right time for us, most especially because of my health.

I'm trying not to live in the future but it's so very difficult.

Sigh.

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