It just goes on and on and on

Well, I really didn't want this blog to end up being all about me & my health problems but that's what I'm dealing with right now so I guess that's all I've got to talk about.

To relate my health issues to my year & a day training I do remember when I was still visiting with a coven I was considering for training, they stressed over and over that once you take on this training be aware that your life will change in very dramatic ways and that you must be ready for the transformation and welcome it or you will not be happy with the turn of events you will find yourself in. I knew at the time that I signed on for this training that I was ready for my life to change, I was ready to be new and different and that shrugging off my old self was the only way I was going to survive. My mental weaknesses as well as my physical weaknesses were hindering me on every plane- celestial as well as physical. The death of my old self continues to be a struggle and I continue to fight my way through this transformation. I believe that as the wheel turns and I come closer to having completed my year & a day training that I have moved closer to my rebirth.

The day after I returned from visiting Solomon I became very very ill, I passed out at work and had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance. (nothing quite like having a total meltdown in front of a decent number of people you work with and having the entire facility find out about it) It was horrible, the pain itself, the cold hospital room, my husbands worried face, the pain of the IV, the tests and the waiting, the condescending nature of my doctor who looked like he was younger than me by a few years (who also incidentally was chewing gum throughout our discussions all the while making faces every time I would use the word homeopathic) and since I've become much more sensitive to what is in medicines and now that I know I have to make sure I'm not exposed to aluminum or sugar I was so scared that after just returning I was already re-exposed to either of them and this 2nd detox was all for nothing.

I don't know for certain if I was re-exposed, the nurses/doctors themselves didn't know for sure if either of those things were ingredients in what I was given and seemed incredulous and annoyed that I should care. One of my nurses was amazed that I chose to decline any pain medication until the results of my pregnancy tests came back- I was pretty certain I wasn't but if you are about to be shot up with morphine isn't it a good idea to be sure?

Dealing with the ignorance surrounding my health issues and my choice of treatment has been difficult to say the least. So after just returning from being gone for two days and using up my last days of vacation to see Solomon I only made it through one day of work and then missed the next two due to my little episode of vasovagal syncope with accompanying migraine. So to hope that I might be allowed to work some sort of deal with my work around trying to get back to see Solomon in two weeks was a vain hope indeed. My boss practically laughed at me when I asked. His reply was, "there are a lot of doctors around here, why don't you try to see someone local?" Duh!! Seriously? What an idiotic question. Like I don't know there are doctors where I live? I wanted to leap across his desk and slap the shit out of him. I got the same reaction from the next two people I had to talk to about the possibility with just to make sure I had my bases covered. It was a resounding NO. So, that was tailspin #3.

To recap, #1. Solomon says the detox did not work, I am, in fact, not a brand new woman as promised. #2. The day after returning I am rushed to the ER and pumped full of all kinds of pain medications to which I do not know the ingredients and which also caused a massive migraine that lasted for 15 hrs. #3. I will not be allowed to float vacation days from next year to allow me to go back to see Solomon to see if this detox is over and I can find out what the hell else is wrong with me and address that so I can FINALLY MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE!!!.

It's such a slippery slope. I am, finally, feeling much better though. I'm noticing a lot of positive changes in my body this week. My energy level is rising, I'm sleeping better, my hair has stopped falling out, my skin problems seem to be clearing up nicely, I've lost 6lbs. in the last few days and mentally I feel more alert and not so easily overwhelmed.

I still haven't decided definitively what I am going to do about when/if I'm going to go ahead and go off of the detox diet once my 15 days are up. I'll continue to do many of the things that I'm doing now just because they are much healthier anyway but I would like to be able to eat out one of these days and with the holidays coming I'm hosting Christmas at my house and I want to be able to cook food for my family that doesn't have quite so many restrictions. I have vowed to go gluten free whenever possible, I will never buy aluminum foil again, I will not be cooking with white sugar or white flour and I will very rarely if ever eat processed food again. It's just that there are these Godiva truffles sitting on my desk (a gift that was ironically given to me the first day I started my detox) that I would LOVE to have just at least ONE of!!! It's the holidays for goodness sake!! There's delicious food all around me!! It's torture!! We had our company thanksgiving dinner yesterday and I sat in my cubicle and tried not to pout-even though I knew someone had brought pumpkin creme pie- and eat my beef soup. This girl be gettin' cranky.

Oh well, I tell myself, it's all part of the process I suppose.